Democracy Spawns Bad Taste : 2008 US Presidential Election Redux

    “If I was running Al-Qaeda in Iraq, I would put a circle around March 2008, and pray, as many times as possible, for a victory not only for Obama, but also for the Democrats.” ~ John HoWARd, February 11, 2007

Hail to the Chief: 2008 US Presidential election vote tally

1. Barack Obama, Democratic – – – – – – – – – – 69,456,897
2. John McCain, Republican – – – – – – – – – – 59,934,814
3. Ralph Nader – – – – – – – – – – 734,804
4. Bob Barr, Libertarian – – – – – – – – – – 524,524
5. Chuck Baldwin, Constitution – – – – – – – – – – 196,461
6. Cynthia McKinney, Green – – – – – – – – – – 161,195

7. Alan Keyes, American Independence – – – – – 47,768
8. Ron Paul – – – – – 41,905

9. Roger Calero, Socialist Workers – – – – – 7,561
10. Brian Moore, Socialist – – – – – 7,315
11. Gloria La Riva, Party for Socialism & Liberation – – – – – 6,808
12. Richard Duncan – – – – – 3,902
13. Charles Jay, Boston Tea Party – – – – – 2,420
14. John Joseph Polachek, New Party – – – – – 1,149

15. Frank McEnulty, New American Indepedent – – – – – 828
16. Jeffrey Wamboldt, We The People – – – – – 764
17. Tom Stevens, Objectivist – – – – – 755
18. Gene Amondson, Prohbition – – – – – 653
19. George Phillies – – – – – 522

Stolen from Skull / Bones. CBS notes that, in addition to the above, ‘None Of These Candidates’ got 6,251 votes and ‘James Harris’ 2,618.

Well, that’s some of the candidates.

But apparently, there were freaking hundreds, and scores of parties contesting the election, from ‘A Connecticut Party’ to the ‘Builders Party’ to ‘Concerned Citizens’ to the ‘Working Class Party’, ‘Workers World’ and ‘Yes’. Some personal favourites:

Jack Grimes (United Fascist Union-Pennsylvania)

The United Fascist Union was incorporated in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania in 1996 as a non-profit political club to promote the economic theories and political ideologies of Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein.

Since that time our Director, Jack Grimes has appeared on television and done hundreds of radio shows for the United Fascist Union and has ran as a Presidential Candidate in the 2000 and 2004 Presidential Elections.

On this website you can read Mr. Jack Grimes’ Statement of Candidacy for the 2008 U. S. Presidential Election as well as a FAQ sheet for the United Fascist Union which will explain to you why it is important that you vote for our candidate and help us establish a Corporate State.

Fascism is the one economic theory that has been proven time after time. It can raise the standard-of-living and improve the quality of life for all citizens fortunate enough to live in a Fascist Country. This should be a very good reason for importing these ideologies to America as everyone deserves a better quality of life than they have had under the oligarchy of the mega bankers and billionaire elite.

Edward N. Schwarz (Youth International Party-New York)

Abbie Hoffman defined Yippie! as “…a hippie who’s been beaten up by the cops.” Well I’d say it doesn’t take much imagination to believe we’ve all been beaten up by the Justice [NOT] Department in one way or another of late times. And this, your KatManDo candidate for president USA, has something to say about it and the willful actions to back them up. I don’t do girlieman!

Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey (Vampire, Witches & Pagan Party-New Jersey)

The United Vampyre World Organization

* Candidate: Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, King of the Vampyre

* Platform: To serve, protect and advance Vampyre Covens and Vampyres and the Witch, Pagan, Wiccan, Satanic, Lycan and other Kin Communities in America.

* Representative quote: “Unlike the rules of engagement U.S. troops follow, members of the VN’s Armed Forces will be anything but compassionate and civil to our enemies. To ensure an enemy is dead, I will instruct that VWP [Vampyres, Witches, Pagans Party] Militia troops decapitate their enemies.”

* Why you might vote for this candidate: You are a badly confused fan of the 60s-inflected pop of Vampire Weekend.

* Why you might not: If, despite the heinousness of the crime, you still do not believe that three-time DUI/DWI offenders should be “IMPALE[D]” by Jonathan.

See also : 2008 BALLOT STATUS FOR PRESIDENT, Ballot Access News, November 1, 2008 | It’s an ObamaNation! : Capitalism Wins at the Polls : Anarchy Brewing in the Streets (November 7, 2008) | We All Earned the Puppy // Now Pass Me A Bucket (November 9, 2008) | Well I read it in the paper… (November 25, 2008) | Chomsky on Obama (January 26, 2009)

About @ndy

I live in Melbourne, Australia. I like anarchy. I don't like nazis. I enjoy eating pizza and drinking beer. I barrack for the greatest football team on Earth: Collingwood Magpies. The 2024 premiership's a cakewalk for the good old Collingwood.
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