Go Warwick! Take what’s yours!

Generally-speaking, elections are stupefyingly dull affairs, as members of the managerial class jockey for positions in the executive of the modern state; which — as Warwick Capper has observed — is “but a committee for managing the common affairs of the whole bourgeoisie”.

You Know Where She Stands: Beaudesert

Which is why I feel a sense of profound relief followings news that the political gauntlet has been well and truly thrown down in the upcoming Queensland state election, with Warwick Capper challenging Abraham Lincoln Pauline Hanson, not only for the hearts and minds of the citizens of Beaudesert, but in a cook-off.

Pauline is obviously running scared at Warwick’s candidacy, and, despite years of experience, has refused his offer of a culinary challenge on polling day (March 21). Nevertheless, it appears certain that Pauline will go ahead with her lucrative candidacy, which apparently includes yet another interview with a women’s magazine; if correct, there may be a conflict of interest at ACP, as Capper’s challenge is being sponsored by Zoo magazine — SEX! SPORT! PHENOMENOLOGY! — which has agreed to provide a bevy of placard-carrying bikini girls when Warwick hears the umpire’s whistle. For the voters of Beaudesert then, the possibility of being swamped by Asians will be displaced by the possibility of being swamped by Asian chicks in bikinis.

The other, rather boring declared candidates are Andy Grodecki (Greens), Brett McCreadie (Australian Labor Party) and Aidan McLindon (Liberal National Party). Aidan is widely-tipped to win, with the LNP enjoying a 5.9% margin (“The Liberal National Party should increase its majority” reckons Antony).

Business up front, party in the back!

[Warwick Capper blitzes] into Qld campaign
Tony Bartlett
Sydney Morning Herald
March 2, 2009

Queensland’s mundane election campaign goes from a slow waltz to a quickstep on Monday morning when Pauline Hanson takes the floor.

And just to jazz things up, the man with the tightest pair of shorts Aussie Rules has ever seen could try to boot a goal as well.

The smart state’s most famous redhead will formally announce she’s standing as an independent in the Gold Coast hinterland seat of Beaudesert.

And While Ms Hanson confirmed that fact several days ago, her news – or some would say publicity – conference is still certain to draw a large media contingent.

Her campaign is being managed by publicity guru Max Markson who is marketed on the Markson Sparks web site as “Mr Fame … (who) can give anyone fame – and fortune”.

And to add a little more jazz to the mix, former AFL star Warwick Capper looks set to run onto the field as well.

He’ll swap his BMW for a Hummer if he wins the election according to the Seven network.

Asked what he knows about the Beaudesert area he said: “I went there once – a fair few Aborigines and very multicultural out there”.

“But nice place. I used to have a bit of land out there at Canungra.”

According to his website the 45-year-old is available for hens and bucks nights for $1,500…

Warwick Capper challenges Pauline Hanson to an election day cook-off in fight for Beaudesert
Australian Associated Press
The Australian
March 2, 2009

WARWICK Capper has challenged Pauline Hanson to an election cook-off in the March 21 Queensland poll.

The former Aussie Rules star said he lodged his nomination on Monday morning to contest the Gold Coast hinterland seat of Beaudesert, and will kick off his campaign tomorrow with a bevy of placard-carrying bikini girls from a national men’s magazine.

“Yeah – Zoo Magazine’s sponsoring me and they’re paying for it and providing the bikini girls with placards,” he said.

“Politics is like a popularity contest sometimes isn’t it – but I’m pretty popular too and I think I’d fit in OK there.”

Pauline Hanson also formally announced today she’ll be contesting Beaudesert.

“We could have a bit of a cook-off between me and Pauline,” Mr Capper said.

“She’s got the fish shop and I’m about to open a coffee shop called Warwick Cappuccino soon in Surfers, and if I win in Beaudesert I might open one out there too and give out free cappuccinos and a muffin.

“I wouldn’t live out there ‘cos there’s too many flies but I’ll go out there a couple of times a week and campaign and do what I could,” he said.

The man famous for wearing the shortest shorts in Aussie Rules football says he also wants to clean up the Beaudesert area by imposing a curfew.

“I want to keep people off the streets – there’s too many fights and drugs out there,” he said.

“I want to get everybody off the streets by 11 o’clock at night because there’s too many fights between the multicultural people and the whites out there.

“There’s too much violence between the different races and the different coloured skins and what have you, so I want to try to clean that up and bring everyone together.

“And I want to make more water available to the farmers out there who are going broke.

“Somehow I want to see more money going back into the farmers’ pockets because they’re not getting enough rebates and they’re going broke and committing suicide out there because they can’t afford the water.

“Politics is a bit of a joke and I’m the king of the jokers but I think we do have to get a bit serious sometimes,” he said.

Dimocracy in action: Warwick Capper to run against Hanson
Chris Barrett
Sydney Morning Herald
March 2, 2009

Larrikin former Australian rules footballer Warwick Capper would crack down on late-night drinking if he were elected to State Parliament in Queensland. The former Brisbane Bears and Sydney Swans full forward will decide later today whether to turn the contest for Beaudesert into a complete circus by running there against fellow independent Pauline Hanson on March 21…

I’m like Abraham Lincoln: Hanson
Daniel Hurst
Brisbane Times
March 2, 2009

Pauline Hanson has compared herself with former US president Abraham Lincoln at the official launch of her election campaign in the state seat of Beaudesert today. The outspoken former One Nation leader hit back at suggestions she was a “professional candidate” who was simply running for office to gain an electoral funding windfall…

Qld election is Hanson’s ‘last stand’
Paul Osborne
Sydney Morning Herald
March 2, 2009

After five losses on the trot, former Ipswich fish-and-chip shop owner Pauline Hanson admits the battle to revive her political career has left her a bit weary. It seems she’s not the only one, judging by the meagre turnout of 30 people at her latest campaign launch…

Footballer tackles nationalist in Aussie election
Reuters UK
March 2, 2009

…Capper, who for years aggravated football purists with his party lifestyle and long blond hair, said he would launch his campaign flanked by a bevy of placard-carrying bikini girls with backing from a national men’s magazine. “Politics is like a popularity contest sometimes isn’t it? But I’m pretty popular too, and I think I’d fit in OK there,” he said. Hanson, 54, won fame in 1996, entering national parliament as an independent calling for cuts to Aboriginal welfare and immigration. Then she had said Australia was in danger of being “swamped by Asians.” She turned One Nation into a force that drew a million votes at its 1998 peak, but she subsequently lost her seat and was later convicted of electoral fraud and briefly went to jail…

About @ndy

I live in Melbourne, Australia. I like anarchy. I don't like nazis. I enjoy eating pizza and drinking beer. I barrack for the greatest football team on Earth: Collingwood Magpies. The 2024 premiership's a cakewalk for the good old Collingwood.
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