Today’s Sermon: And Jesus said unto His Disciples, “Get off the property! Fuck off!”

Update (July 31) : YouTube, presumably bowing to pressure from the Church, has removed the offending video. The Good News (so to speak) is that it’s still available via Live Leak; you can even download the video if you want…

A reading from The Book of Geoffrey. For more details on Reverend Monsignor Geoffrey Baron‘s Biblical exegesis, see below: “In a not entirely unexpected development, local Church authorities, in the person of the Vicar-General of Melbourne, the Reverend Les Tomlinson, have defended the actions of a local priest, who last July provided local youth with an impromptu sermon on the need to respect Church property…”

The Cathedral

St Patrick’s Cathedral is the mother church of the Catholic Archdiocese of Melbourne. The Centenary of its official opening and Consecration was marked in 1997; however, the first Mass was celebrated on the site in February 1858 in a former partially completed church, some of which was incorporated into the south aisle of the present building; by 1868, the completed nave of the Cathedral first served the needs of the community for regular worship and prayer.

Designed by William Wardell, St Patrick’s is regarded internationally as the finest ecclesiastical building in Australia and a pre-eminent example of the Gothic Revival style. The austere facade gives little hint of the glorious interior with its ethereal golden light of mesmerising beauty.

The Cathedral’s highly regarded organ and exceptional acoustics ensure its popularity with leading musicians and choral groups, as a favoured setting for concerts of sacred music. The splendid ambulatory and chapels which partially encircle the sanctuary, provide space for occasional exhibitions.

Nevertheless, it is the spiritual fire of prayer and daily worship which gives the building its heart, ensuring that it is more than just an architectural monument. The Cathedral is a place of beauty and peace. During the course of a year, the Cathedral is the environment for the major liturgies of the Catholic community as well as the venue for significant civic celebrations embracing the wider community. The staff is also responsible for the daily pastoral care in all of the nearby hospitals; many people from the wider community seek solace and help within its walls.

Through prayer, praise and creative liturgical celebrations, the elements of stone and glass, artistry, craftsmanship, colour and sound, coalesce to filter the divine presence of our Creator God.

Ah yes. St Patrick’s Cathedral: Glorious interiors. Ethereal golden light. A place of mesmerising beauty and peace. And last July, the scene of a very ugly incident. Curiously, thus far, (almost) all media reportage has deliberately avoided making any reference to what, to me, is the most shocking aspect of the behaviour of the Dean of the Cathedral, and that is his use of sexually-explicit language when addressing the teenage boys skating on Church property. The ABC Radio report of July 27 by Samantha Donovan — in addition to mangling the actual content of the video — makes no reference to this, or to the fact that the Reverend strikes one of the boys, and neither does the AAP report, whether in the Sydney Morning Herald or Only Mark Russell in The Age makes reference to ‘the Dean appearing to make several sexually and racially abusive comments, including telling one boy that he was “stained by the sperm of all these boys that f— you”‘ — but not The Holy Man’s later, presumably related enquiry “…how’s your arsehole so sore from being fucked by these cunts?”

Scene 1.

Outside Saint Patrick’s Cathedral. Reverend Geoffrey Baron accosts a number of young male skaters.

Baron, walking, pointing away from Cathedral: Move.
Skater, off-camera: Do we have to go?
Baron: Move.
Skater, off-camera: Yes or no?
Baron: Now. Now. Off the property.

Scene 2.

An apparent continuation of the previous scene.

Baron, to skater: …stained [?] by all the sperm of these boys that fucked you. Get off the property. (Baron then appears to smack a skater across the head) Get off the property.

(Gasps. Laughter. Voices)

Skater off-camera, to Baron: Calm down mate.
Skater struck across the head: Oh you fucking cunt. Oh what the fuck? I oughta [I’m gonna?] fuck you up.
Skater, off-camera, to skater struck by Baron: Don’t don’t don’t… No no no…

(Many voices. Baron walks away)

Baron: Get off the property. Get off the property now.
Skater, pushes Baron on shoulder: Why’d ya fuckin’ hit him?
Skater, off-camera: Don’t. Just go.
Skater two, off-camera: What the fuck’s the problem cunt? What’s the fuckin’ problem? Huh?
Baron: Move. Move.
Skater, off-camera: We’re going.

(Many angry voices)

Baron: Fuck off!


Another skater: Fucking idiot.
Skater, off-camera: We’re going. We’re going. Calm down. Just calm down. We’re going. We’re going.

Scene 3.

An apparent continuation of the previous scene.

Baron: Get off the property you fucking cunts. Oh yeah… get back to where you come from you… sfool. You don’t belong in Australia.
Skater, off-camera: Stop being a fuckin’ racist prick ya fuckin’ faggot.
Baron: You don’t belong here.
Skater, off-camera: Don’t touch me you prick.
Baron: Get off the property. Move. You fucking fool.
Skater, off camera: Are you a priest? Are you a priest? What sort of a priest is racist? What type of priest is racist?
Skater to Baron : …calm down mate.
Baron: Get off the property you fucking fool.
Skater, off-camera, to Baron: Don’t touch him you fucking idiot.
Skater to Baron: Say it don’t spray it you fucking idiot.
Baron: Oh get off the property.

Scene 4.

Most of the skaters having made their way off the church property, the conversation continues as a number occupy the footpath outside of and adjacent to it (possibly Cathedral Place).

Baron: Arsehole.

(Two skaters appear to run on to the grass lawn in front of Baron)

Baron: Get off the property.


Baron, addressing a skater on lawn: …how’s your arsehole so sore from being fucked by these cunts?


Skater, off camera: Ah you’re a jerk [joke?] you fucking dickhead.
Baron, pointing to skater on footpath/road: …little foreigner there look at the sleepy [?] eyes black hair sleepy eyes…

(Baron waves as something indistinct, possibly an empty plastic bottle, appears to have been thrown near his head)

Skater, off camera: At least he’s got hair you fucking bald prick. Gay cunt. Faggot.
Baron, apparently to camera: Look at you four eyes.
Skater, off camera: Oh you’re a joke fuckhead… faggot.
Baron, to skater on lawn: Fool. Fool.

Scene 5.

An apparent continuation of the previous scene.

(Baron appears to knee a skater standing on the lawn)

Skater, off camera: Why don’t you calm down, just calm down.
Baron: Fucking cunt. Get off the property.
Skater: You get off the property you fucking cunt.
Baron: Get off the property. Get off the property.

(Baron appears to kick an empty water bottle in the direction of skaters)

Skater, off-camera: Stop being… does he have to be so aggressive?


Scene 6.

An apparent continuation of the previous scene.

Unknown woman, presumably another church official: …the police, so go.
Skater, off-camera: For fuck’s sake just go back to your fucking church.
Another skater, off-camera: Okay so you’ve phoned the police, we’ve got footage on here of him [Baron] hitting him [skater].
Woman: Good. Good.
Skater, off-camera, to Baron: Don’t touch me you fucking freak.

(Baron, stooping, appears to pick up an item and to throw it at skaters)

Skater, off-camera: So is he [Baron] in the right? Is he in the right?
Woman: Yes because you are trespassing. I’ve phoned the police…
Skater, off-camera: Okay you’ve phoned the police…
Woman: …you’ve been identified…
Another skater, off-camera: So when they come, when they come we can tell them that the priest assaulted one of our friends…
Woman: You will say what you like…
Skater, off-camera: We’ve got evidence we’ve got evidence.

(Baron gestures as what appears to be an empty cardboard box is thrown)

Woman: And I’ve been filming it too from inside…
Skater, off-camera: Okay well we’ve got it right on here, we’ve got it right on here…

About @ndy

I live in Melbourne, Australia. I like anarchy. I don't like nazis. I enjoy eating pizza and drinking beer. I barrack for the greatest football team on Earth: Collingwood Magpies. The 2024 premiership's a cakewalk for the good old Collingwood.
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10 Responses to Today’s Sermon: And Jesus said unto His Disciples, “Get off the property! Fuck off!”

  1. Darrin Hodges says:

    Actually, the Bible does have a message for smart arse little bastards with no respect. See 2 Kings 2:23 – 25. I wonder how long he had been putting up with their shit until he snapped?

    Oh and in the 3rd scene, 1st line you have ‘sfools’ instead of I presume ‘fools’.

  2. @ndy says:

    Gimme that old time religion eh Darrin?

    Personally, I think both Geoffrey and Elisha belong in Camp Over Reaction. But perhaps you’re right. It should be noted, however, that such is the decadence of Western Civilization, in a modern court, I doubt a jury would believe a balding gentleman if he claimed “it wasn’t me, Your Honour”, but God — in the shape of two she-bears — what killed all them children. Kings I and II would also — sadly — be considered unreliable more generally as a foundation text for modern jurisprudence. For example:

    “[The king] sent to Elijah a captain with his company of fifty men. The captain went up to Elijah, who was sitting on the top of a hill, and said to him, ‘Man of God, the king says, “Come down!”‘ Elijah answered the captain, ‘If I am a man of God, may fire come down from heaven and consume you and your fifty men!’ Then fire fell from heaven and consumed the captain and his men.” — II Kings 1:9–10

    Jehu, God’s latest anointed leader, kills both the king of Judah and the king of Israel and then proceeds to butcher all of the Israelite king’s family members, friends, councillors, priests, relatives, etcetera. For good measure, he calls all of the worshippers of Baal to an assembly in Baal’s temple (“I am going to hold a great sacrifice for Baal”) and kills all of them, too. God is pleased. — II Kings 9:21–24, 27; 10:1–14, 17–30

    Bit harsh don’t you think? And not, I would humbly submit, a very satisfactory means of establishing legitimacy in government either. On the other hand, I confess to liking the bit about E parting the Jordan by smacking it with his cloak (2:7–8), as well as taking a trip to Heaven in a whirlwind to meet G-d (2:11).

    On the whole, however, Kings resembles Geoffrey: creepy.

    (Oh, and it’s meant to be “sfool”, both ‘cos that’s what it sounds like and is subtitled on the video as being, but also ‘cos the ABC transcript (which is inaccurate) has “spool”.)

  3. Darrin Hodges says:

    I think 2 Kings 2:23 – 25 was more about illustrating the concept of respect than it was about providing the foundations of modern jurisprudence, however there is nothing wrong with a bit of good old fashioned smiting from time to time, you know, to keep the proles in line.

  4. Robert says:

    It was disturbing to watch this whole YouTube of Geoff Baron. I felt sick watching it and saw in front of my eyes an angry old man who was talking about sperm, arseholes being fucked and people being referred to by race and by the revolting term cunt.

    I was brought up to respect priests, and I still do respect the notion of a priesthood, with men who give their lives to God and the people of God. I separate Geoff Baron from that and see him clearly repressing his own value base and spilling out sickness from within. What terrible things to spill out of ones mouth.

    The question begs asking, how many times has this happened before? It is only through the advent of technology that we are privy to things we would previously be told by our elders could not be true. Thats how Geoff Baron has survived no doubt. I suggest Geoff Baron really has a good hard look at what hes about and ask himself is he just in a job because it is secure or is he in the job for the right reasons. He should not be disgracing the dedicated guys who have given their lives to serve God and his people and can manage their anger and be able to discern what is important in life.

  5. I wonder what he would do if he found out that people actually piss on the property and not in the dunny?

    The Catholic Church are turds and this little episode just provides more evidence that they are indeed turds.

  6. F. Naqvi says:

    Darrin Hodges type excuses are unacceptable. There is no doubt that the Bible and Church have promoted Racism. But racism can not and shall not be condoned. Skating inside the so called “property of god” does not warrant such type of sexually explicit outburst. However this shows pedophilic tendency of the priest.

  7. M.V says:

    After seeing the story on Sky News I was amazed, and I realised that the Priest in question was in fact my old Priest. I am a member of St Josephs Parish, and Geoff Baron was the local priest there until around 1998. The whole time I was attending school and Church there, Father Geoff, as he was known, was always kind and courteous.

    The fact that this has happened really comes as a surprise to me, that he could say such things. You would be hard pressed to find a word against the man based on my experience of knowing him, and it is my opinion that these skaters really pushed him over the edge.

    I was brought up never to harass people regardless, let alone a member of the clergy or a more aged individual. I don\’t believe in other religions but I think common sense and courtesy has it that you respect other peoples religions and property, something these kids clearly were not doing. What Father Geoff did was certainly extreme and graphic, but I would say that the man is just the same as all of us: human. None of us are infallible regardless of our positions. Hopefully such incidents will be avoided in the future but it seems to me this was a simple case of a man losing control of a situation [after] being pushed to the limit.

    The whole time I was at school with him as our Priest, I attended the school with students of many races, religions and I would even say sexualities. Never once did he victimize or show any [disrespect] to kids for these reasons so lastly I would say that the man was lost for words.

    Although my point is poorly laid out, I am just writing it like I see it, based on knowing one of the parties involved for a period extending from Baptism to the end of Primary School.

  8. thank god im not a catholic says:

    that old fool needs to get served some hot rocks

  9. Used to be a catholic says:

    Imagine spending your whole life celibate? I’d be seething with unspent anger too.

    Unfortunately many like Father Baron, were not celibate, and his outburst leads me to believe he probably wasn’t either. Check this link out for some more wholesome bedtime stories from the world’s richest and most successful business entity (now almost 2000 years old).

    I was a teacher at this monster’s school… yes, he was my boss! Did the Church systematically try to root-out this cancer? No, they tried to cover it up and minimize the financial damage. Just like James Hardie and dozens of corporate criminals before them. Oh, my mistake, no business pre-dates the Church.

    The Church has systematically tried to avoid financial responsibility for the ruin of thousands of lives… not very Christian really.

    No doubt, priests are also victims in the Church’s diabolical web, so it’s no surprise there are so many bitter, empty people on the scrap heap of life. Such a waste of lives, but the beast must be fed so it can continue for another 2000 years.

  10. Pingback: Move over Paul Whicker! Stand aside Gordon Ramsay! Here’s Geoff Baron! | slackbastard

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