{"id":13354,"date":"2010-02-01T19:34:48","date_gmt":"2010-02-01T09:34:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/?p=13354"},"modified":"2010-02-01T19:34:48","modified_gmt":"2010-02-01T09:34:48","slug":"alanis-made-better-by-ben-stolen-by-andy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/?p=13354","title":{"rendered":"Alanis made better by Ben stolen by Andy"},"content":{"rendered":"

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F@#$ I hated this song.<\/p>\n

Still do.<\/p>\n

Alanis made better by Ben<\/a><\/p>\n

An old man turned ninety-eight
\nHe won the lottery and died the next day, of asphyxiation after being buried under a pile of his new money<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a black fly in your Chardonnay, a few seconds after you said, \u201cGee I\u2019m glad there\u2019s no fly in my Chardonnay\u201d
\nIt\u2019s a death row pardon two minutes too late, because you took a few minutes transcribing your application into neater handwriting to impress the governor<\/p>\n

And isn\u2019t it ironic\u2026 don\u2019t you think<\/p>\n

CHORUS
\nIt\u2019s like rain on your wedding day, after you paid ten thousand dollars for a special rain machine so you could simulate rain for some romantic \u201cwedding in the rain\u201d photos
\nIt\u2019s a free ride when you\u2019ve already paid, particularly if your partner told you there were free rides and you didn\u2019t believe them so paid for your ride and then right afterwards it\u2019s like, \u201cfree rides everyone, step right up!\u201d
\nIt\u2019s the good advice that you just didn\u2019t take, probably regarding the free ride, or possibly the advice about not taking all your lottery winnings in cash<\/p>\n

Who would\u2019ve thought\u2026 it figures<\/p>\n

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
\nHe packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
\nHe waited his whole damn life to take that flight
\nAnd as the plane crashed down he thought
\n\u201cWell isn\u2019t this nice\u2026\u201d, because it turned out that unbeknownst to him, being in plane crashes gave him a profound sexual thrill, and his timidity all these years had denied him true happiness till this day<\/p>\n

And isn\u2019t it ironic\u2026 don\u2019t you think<\/p>\n

CHORUS<\/p>\n

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
\nWhen you think everything\u2019s okay and everything\u2019s going right
\nAlthough it would be unreasonable to try to attribute some kind of sentience to the phenomenon
\nAnd life has a funny way of helping you out when
\nYou think everything\u2019s gone wrong and everything blows up
\nIn your face
\nLike for instance maybe you get a big payout from the company that caused the explosion that allows you to live in luxury for the rest of your life, albeit very badly scarred<\/p>\n

A traffic jam when you\u2019re already late, because of a short circuit in the traffic light system that you actually orchestrated in order to facilitate your terrorist attack, which you are now late for
\nA no-smoking sign on your cigarette break, which was put up as a direct result of your three-year campaign for more stringent occupational health and safety rules in the workplace
\nIt\u2019s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife, because you filled out the cutlery requisition form incorrectly, because at the time you were feeling really light-headed because you hadn\u2019t eaten for a while, because the only thing in the kitchen was cereal and at the time you didn\u2019t have any spoons
\nIt\u2019s meeting the man of my dreams
\nAnd then meeting his beautiful wife, who is an international criminal who has stolen your identity
\nAnd isn\u2019t it ironic\u2026don\u2019t you think
\nA little too ironic\u2026and, yeah, I really do think\u2026<\/p>\n

CHORUS<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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F@#$ I hated this song. Still do. Alanis made better by Ben An old man turned ninety-eight He won the lottery and died the next day, of asphyxiation after being buried under a pile of his new money It\u2019s a … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[11,7],"tags":[693,694,695],"class_list":["post-13354","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-music","category-poetry","tag-alanis-morissette","tag-ben-pobjie","tag-wesley-willis"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6AyE-3to","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13354","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13354"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13354\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13358,"href":"https:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13354\/revisions\/13358"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13354"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13354"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/slackbastard.anarchobase.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13354"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}