“Hey! Great idea Ron!” or Church of Scientology versus Anonymous

Ha! After having dispatched neo-Nazi blabbermouth Hal Turner to Hell (and/or back into the ever-loving arms of the FBI) other, Anonymous hackers have refused to respect the cock and instead declared war on the Church of Scientology; prompted, perhaps, by having watched Battlefield Earth, or Tom Cruise smile one too many smarmy self-satisfied smiles in one too many smarmy self-satisfied roles in one too many smarmy self-satisfied films. Or Tom Cruise talk some truly amazing shit on a leaked video.

Wired has some blah blah blah here and The Times has also reported that “Hackers have mounted a wave of attacks against the Church after it tried to take down a leaked video of Tom Cruise” (Jonathan Richards, Web vigilantes attack Scientology website, January 25, 2008). The “chilling” threat contained in a press release (Internet Group Anonymous Declares “War on Scientology”) and video (above) I think is less chilling than it is slightly ill-directed. After all, while both businesses are noted for their litigousness, it was McDonald’s — another US-based corporation — what was responsible for the longest defamation case in British legal history, not L. Ron’s demented followers.

Anyway, L. Ron Hubbard himself (1911–1987) was a pretty amazing guy. According to his followers, Ron befriended indigenous Blackfeet Indians in and around his Helena, Montana home — “At the age of six, L. Ron Hubbard is honored with the status of blood brother of the Blackfeet in a ceremony that is still recalled by tribal elders” — as a precocious 12 year old boy studied Freudian theory with Commander Joseph C. Thompson (the first United States naval officer to actually work with Freud in Vienna), travelled in Asia — “In China, he becomes close friends with British intelligence officers, Buddhist priests, US Marines and the last remaining magician from the line of Kublai Khan’s court” — and studied engineering, mathematics and nuclear physics at George Washington University: “point of fact, L. Ron Hubbard was the first to rigorously employ Western scientific methods to the study of spiritual matters“.


Before becoming famous for being the Scientician who developed Dianetics (1950), Lafayette wrote many other astounding! thrilling! wonder! stories, with awesome titles like ‘The Indigestible Triton’ and ‘Typewriter in the Sky’ (1940), ‘The Automagic Horse’ and ‘The Emperor of the Universe’ (1949). Word on the Internets is that Cruise will soon be starring in a film based on another of L. Ron’s short stories, a sequel to Battlefield Earth tentatively titled The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel.


About @ndy

I live in Melbourne, Australia. I like anarchy. I don't like nazis. I enjoy eating pizza and drinking beer. I barrack for the greatest football team on Earth: Collingwood Magpies. The 2024 premiership's a cakewalk for the good old Collingwood.
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15 Responses to “Hey! Great idea Ron!” or Church of Scientology versus Anonymous

  1. Anonymous says:

    We are legion.

  2. Soviet Left Faction says:

    All religions are cults. Communists should have nothing to do with them. They are below us. They are simply money making plots and fronts of the bourgeoisie to foll the proletariat.

  3. Dr. Cam says:

    I flipping hate getting folled.

  4. @ndy says:

    Don’t we all?

  5. dj says:

    Foll me once, shame on you…

    L. Ron’s CV sounds suspiciously like that of that other great man, Lyndon LaRouche, who single-handedly invented whole schools of Science.

  6. Soviet Left Faction says:

    When I said “foll” I mean fool.

  7. Lumpen says:

    Ah those crazy 4chan kids. Will they ever stop their shenanigans?

    I remember seeing a Scientology book on the shelves in Barricade when doing a shift and being all ‘WTF!!1!’. It was a thinly disguised front book about “religious intolerance” against Jews and Scientologists. Mostly Scientologists.

    Before you baulk at the comparison, remember that at one stage we were all thrown into volcanoes at the behest of a terrifying dictator. You know who else liked throwing people into volcanoes and catching their souls? Hitler. D-day cut his plans short.

  8. Anonymous says:

    “Ah those crazy 4chan kids. Will they ever stop their shenanigans?”

    4chan is the Birmingham of Anonymous. They are not one with the lulz.

  9. Dr. Cam says:

    You weren’t at the Melbourne BDO, were you?

  10. @ndy says:

    No. I was not.

  11. Dr. Cam says:

    That was actually directed at the previous commenter, you jive turkey.

  12. @ndy says:

    “Jive Turkey” is from 1974’s Skin Tight, the title track from which is my hands-down favorite Ohio Players’ track (and prob in my all-time top 25 fave funk jams).

    ~ http://djdurutti.blogspot.com/2006/11/jive-turkey.html

    “I see” said the blind man (but he didn’t).

  13. Lumpen says:

    I’ve got Prince doing a great cover of that track. Bad, bad ladaaaaaaay!

    PS ‘Funky Worm’ is better, imho. I know it’s a shade away from being a novelty tune, but it rules.

  14. Lumpen says:

    Oh wait, ‘She’s a Bad Mamma Jamma’ is my favourite OP song.

  15. DJ durutti says:

    In the OP pantheon, I’d put “Funky Worm” on a pedestal next to “Skin Tight” as the top sacred songs. Too bad so many folks only know “Fire” and the Red Hot Chili Peppers cover of “Love Roller Coaster.” So it goes…

    p.s. thanks for the very back door link

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