Alanis made better by Ben stolen by Andy

F@#$ I hated this song.

Still do.

Alanis made better by Ben

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day, of asphyxiation after being buried under a pile of his new money

It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay, a few seconds after you said, “Gee I’m glad there’s no fly in my Chardonnay”
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late, because you took a few minutes transcribing your application into neater handwriting to impress the governor

And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think

It’s like rain on your wedding day, after you paid ten thousand dollars for a special rain machine so you could simulate rain for some romantic “wedding in the rain” photos
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid, particularly if your partner told you there were free rides and you didn’t believe them so paid for your ride and then right afterwards it’s like, “free rides everyone, step right up!”
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take, probably regarding the free ride, or possibly the advice about not taking all your lottery winnings in cash

Who would’ve thought… it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
“Well isn’t this nice…”, because it turned out that unbeknownst to him, being in plane crashes gave him a profound sexual thrill, and his timidity all these years had denied him true happiness till this day

And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think


Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right
Although it would be unreasonable to try to attribute some kind of sentience to the phenomenon
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
Like for instance maybe you get a big payout from the company that caused the explosion that allows you to live in luxury for the rest of your life, albeit very badly scarred

A traffic jam when you’re already late, because of a short circuit in the traffic light system that you actually orchestrated in order to facilitate your terrorist attack, which you are now late for
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break, which was put up as a direct result of your three-year campaign for more stringent occupational health and safety rules in the workplace
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife, because you filled out the cutlery requisition form incorrectly, because at the time you were feeling really light-headed because you hadn’t eaten for a while, because the only thing in the kitchen was cereal and at the time you didn’t have any spoons
It’s meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife, who is an international criminal who has stolen your identity
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think
A little too ironic…and, yeah, I really do think…


About @ndy

I live in Melbourne, Australia. I like anarchy. I don't like nazis. I enjoy eating pizza and drinking beer. I barrack for the greatest football team on Earth: Collingwood Magpies. The 2023 premiership's a cakewalk for the good old Collingwood.
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