Late mail

hamburgletter

“Letter From Hamburg”
‘Zonk! Pow! Nosh! The Crusader Caper Pits Goodies vs. Evil’
Craig Whitlock
Washington Post
Sunday, July 2, 2006; Page D01

favorite Gewurztraminer

HAMBURG, Germany — It began as a quiet Friday morning at the Fresh Paradise gourmet grocery in this prosperous northern German city. A few well-heeled customers meandered through the aisles, looking for the perfect chevre to pair with their favorite Gewurztraminer.

Manchego cheese

Suddenly, half a dozen costumed superheroes appeared, their shopping baskets filled with prime Kobe beef, Manchego cheese curdled from the milk of Spanish sheep, handmade French chocolates from the Rhone Valley. Some $2,000 worth of fancy groceries darted out of the store before employees realized they’d been robbed by a gang of cartoon characters.

lavender nylon bodysuit

The leader was a skinny person of indeterminate gender, clad head-to-toe in a lavender nylon bodysuit. One accomplice was wrapped in a red costume with a lightning bolt, a la Flash, the comic-book speedster. At least four others wore an assortment of capes, wigs, sunglasses and white gloves, the latter to avoid leaving fingerprints. Waving their stolen booty outside the store, they pranced around and flexed their muscles as yet another partner took pictures.

flowers and a note

Before fleeing, the gang left flowers and a note for the stunned Fresh Paradise cashiers:

“In case you do not know us yet: We are Santa Guevara, Spider Mum, Operaistorix and Multiflex. We are precarious superheroes,” it read, in part. “Without the power of superheroes, there is no chance for survival in this city of millionaires. Although we produce the wealth of Hamburg, we hardly have anything to show for it. It does not have to stay like this.”

helicopter

Police dispatched a dozen squad cars and a helicopter to the area, to no avail. Two months later, no arrests have been made and no suspects identified.

See earlier… Robin Hood & His Merry Wo/men Are Alive & Well & The Sheriffs Are Hunting For Them in Hamburg

About @ndy

I live in Melbourne, Australia. I like anarchy. I don't like nazis. I enjoy eating pizza and drinking beer. I barrack for the greatest football team on Earth: Collingwood Magpies. The 2021 premiership's a cakewalk for the good old Collingwood.
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