2012 US Presidential Election

*** Moar results HERE ***

Blah blah blah.

So a Kenyan/Irish Mooselem named Barack HUSSEIN O’Bama won and a Mormon named Mitt Romney (Hail! Satan!) lost.

But how did all the other candidates fare hmmm? Less than 0.1% for these hopefuls:

1. Jack Fellure (519)
A big fan of King James and his Bible, Jack came first. (Which is to say last.)

2. Dean Morstad (1,107)
I dunno. Some d00d.

3. Jerry White (1,138)
The Socialist Equality Party (SEP), aka the leadership of the world socialist movement. This vanguard badly needs the attention of a mechanic. Or dialectrician.

4. Peta Lindsay/Gloria La Riva (1,525)
Socialism. And er, Liberation (PSL).

5. Sheila Tittle (2,499)
We The 2,499 People. God Bless America. Violence and Cherry Pies.

6. Jim Carlson (3,166)
Dope.

7. James Harris (3,345)
Another Socialist, this one belonging to the Socialist Workers Party (SWP). In Australia they’re known as the Communist League. Last spotted at the 2012 Melbourne Anarchist Bookfair. See also 2000.

8. Stewart Alexander (3,987)
Another Socialist; Socialist Party USA. “They are truly of the 99%” but failed to convince many others to vote for them on that basis.

9. Virgil Goode / Will Christensen (3,915)
Save America. Keep English as the Official Language. Ban Abortion. Kill the Poor.

10 Tom Stevens (4,013)
Objectively-speaking, Ayn Rand was on welfare.

11. Andre Barnett / Chuck Baldwin / Barbara Washer (4,737)
Donald Trump’s Hairpiece wants revolution. This mob wants reform. I expect neither party is very happy with the outcome.

12. None of these candidates (5,753)
Nebraska eh?

13. Jill Reed / Richard Duncan (12,108)
lolwut

14. Randall Terry (12,895)
Abortion is Bad mmmkay?

15. Jerry Litzel / Jeff Boss / Merlin Miller (12,984)
American Third Position. Not quite third. Bill O’Reilly with balls.

16. Thomas Hoefling / Tom Hoefling (28,655)
Am disappoint not a hobbit.

17. Rocky Anderson (34,521)
That’s Progress.

18. Roseanne Barr (49,426)
Neither Peace Nor Freedom Nor Roseanne Barr.

Finally…

19. Jill Stein (396,684/0.3%)
Global warming ain’t cool. It’s not easy being Green. Etc.

20. Gary Johnson (1,139,562/0.9%)
Libertard. And That’s Official.

See also : How Socialists Wanted You To Vote.

About @ndy

I live in Melbourne, Australia. I like anarchy. I don't like nazis. I enjoy eating pizza and drinking beer. I barrack for the greatest football team on Earth: Collingwood Magpies. The 2015 premiership's a cakewalk for the good old Collingwood.
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One Response to 2012 US Presidential Election

  1. Thorny Devil says:

    Please keep on, keeping on, you slackbastard. Have lately begun/began/bey gum! following your glorious blog. Your Blog/blog is a lovely counter to what I refer to as ‘Da proceedings of the mofo Parliament’ (right now -non-rural commodity prices, anyone? anyone? Bueller?). Haven’t read your post yet. Please: Keep on Keeping on!!!

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