Ask eighty more stoopid questions…

Forty stupid questions… (July 4, 2008)

I’d like to super size…
midgets.

Quick! Make up a new name for a country:
Andystan.

What was your favorite childhood toy?
The emotions of my elders.

I am totally paranoid about…
e v e r y t h i n g.

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
That. And a bet. Which I won.

In heaven, I bet they’ll have…
no room for me.

Which is worse? Nails on a chalkboard or lemon juice on a cut?
Nail through penis.

What’s the closest you’ve come to death?
Watching TV.

I like to wear…
young ladies to bed.

What would you do if you knew today was your last day to live?
Live and let die.

How many hours of sleep do you need?
Wake me up before you go-go.

My glass is half…
full of shit and puke.

What’s the strangest question you’ve been asked in a job interview?
HOW big?

Use the following words in a sentence: pink, dirigible, luckily, phonics
Pink, dirigible, luckily, phonics.

What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven?
My slaves.

If you owned a restaurant, what would you name it?
SexyLand.

Press Control-V and share the last thing you copied.
No.

If you had your own army of 1000 identical five year olds, what would you have them do?
Sit still.

Where do you go when you want to be alone?
Anywhere there’s a crowd.

Which letter of the alphabet can you totally not stand?
The 27th.

Is there anything you’d like to add before we continue?
Wings.

In 100 years, my generation will be remembered for…
all the wrong reasons.

What was the last text message you received?
The one informing me of my imminent death.

What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?
The War on Terror

If you were in a Band, what would you name it?
Proud Scum

What celebrity do people say you look like?
That guy… y’know… that guy?

Thongs are…
mischievous little creatures aren’t they?

What’s your earliest memory?
A good first question

How many days past expiration are you willing to drink milk?
120

What’s your favorite blog?
Mine

I knew I was an adult when…
I had to pay full fare

Quick! Write the first sentence of a novel.
the first sentence of a novel

Skirts, shorts, or skorts?
Shit shit shit

What’s the best picture you’ve ever taken?
Weeping Woman

Bikini, Tankini, or Linguini?
Luigi Galleani

David Bowie, David Hasselhoff, or David Spade?
Bring me their heads and I will tell you

I wish my ex would…
let me publish those photos

What’s your favorite color of Crayola crayon?
Pensive

What’s the worst show on television?
All of them

Men are…
generally indifferent to my fate

What expression do you really hate?
The one grrls give me when I ask them that question

IM or email?
The Fine Arts

Would you make out with the last person who wrote on your wall?
Dunno. S’pose

Paper, plastic, or re-usable?
It makes no difference when you’re dead

What will be your last words?
About that money I owe you

For my first wish, I wish…
I wish I wish

If I lived in the year 2100, my profession would be…
still unknown

What is your favorite word?
Bullshit

What’s your favorite type of cuisine?
Yummy yummy yummy I’ve got love in my tummy. Pizza

Who is the funniest person you know?
Deadly Ernest

My backpack/purse/wallet contains the following surprising things:
An ability to travel back in time, a preference for brunettes, and a small mammal of indeterminate gender named Barry

Fill in the blank: ________ + chocolate = heaven
Advertising

Boxers or briefs?
Both. I am wild and crazy, wacky and zany blah blah blah

I believe in…
the domitability of the human spirit

Pardon my…
friends; they really don’t know any better

God is…
not

My worst part time job was…
also my first and last

Have you ever fallen asleep while driving?
A tank. In the next war

I’m reminded of home whenever…
I leave it

When I call you, my custom ring tone should be…
like a ship without a rudder

What’s your favorite kind of cake frosting?
Pizza

Truth or Dare?
Stubborn belly fat

What’s your favorite charity?
Me

How many kids would you want to have?
About six billion or so. Needless to say, I feel very fulfilled

Do you typically bring da noise, da funk, or da jell-o salad?
da da

Have you ever been on TV?
Yes

The last time you cleaned your room, how many hours did it take?
I began cleaning shortly after I began unpacking almost three years ago

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Because love and amity are commodities like any other. And they look so good together!

Five star hotel or a tent in the woods?
An untidy bedroom in a cheap shared household (slum) in an unfashionable suburb

Why are there so many zombies on Facebook?
Because it’s just like THE REAL WORLD

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no…
fucking idea that, being a large mammal, he and his fuzzy wuzzy friends were doomed, just like 90% of other large mammal species (with one obvious exception)

Quick! Write the last sentence of your autobiography.
Now who’s laughing?

G-string, thong, boy shorts, bikini, or traditional?
Is the first time I’ve ever been asked such a question

What would your super hero name be?
Transforming a modern day essential into a gorgeous accessory. Buy online for total confidence. Man.

I always mispronounce…
and I never forgive

Save the cheerleader, save the…
cheerleader for me

What’s one magical thing that happened today?
I woke up

What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?
Gives them to me

What kind of pet would you like to have?
Bübi

What’s the weirdest topping you’ve ever had on a pizza?
A unicycle

About @ndy

I live in Melbourne, Australia. I like anarchy. I don't like nazis. I enjoy eating pizza and drinking beer. I barrack for the greatest football team on Earth: Collingwood Magpies. The 2024 premiership's a cakewalk for the good old Collingwood.
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5 Responses to Ask eighty more stoopid questions…

  1. Ultimate Hater says:

    I will not be reading this until you do the civilized thing and post it as a myspace bulletin.

  2. Dr. Cam says:

    Were you writing this instead of getting your boogie on?

  3. Bron says:

    If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
    Because love and amity are commodities like any other. And they look so good together!

    Yeah, you’d like to see chicks together, wouldn’t you?!

  4. @ndy says:

    Bron: I have seen a number of documentaries about chicks together, and found them to have been very enjoyable. So in answer to your question: yes.

    Dr: No. My ‘boogie’ briefly emerged and was then quickly removed at the age of 16. I’m afraid I haven’t seen it since then, although I do receive an occasional postcard or scribbled note from who knows where (who knows where).

    My boogie also appeared in the following video:

  5. Dr. Cam says:

    He said he would come out dancing, gentle readers! And then he piked!

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