Forty stupid questions… (July 4, 2008)
I’d like to super size…
midgets.
Quick! Make up a new name for a country:
Andystan.
What was your favorite childhood toy?
The emotions of my elders.
I am totally paranoid about…
e v e r y t h i n g.
Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
That. And a bet. Which I won.
In heaven, I bet they’ll have…
no room for me.
Which is worse? Nails on a chalkboard or lemon juice on a cut?
Nail through penis.
What’s the closest you’ve come to death?
Watching TV.
I like to wear…
young ladies to bed.
What would you do if you knew today was your last day to live?
Live and let die.
How many hours of sleep do you need?
Wake me up before you go-go.
My glass is half…
full of shit and puke.
What’s the strangest question you’ve been asked in a job interview?
HOW big?
Use the following words in a sentence: pink, dirigible, luckily, phonics
Pink, dirigible, luckily, phonics.
What’s the fastest you’ve ever driven?
My slaves.
If you owned a restaurant, what would you name it?
SexyLand.
Press Control-V and share the last thing you copied.
No.
If you had your own army of 1000 identical five year olds, what would you have them do?
Sit still.
Where do you go when you want to be alone?
Anywhere there’s a crowd.
Which letter of the alphabet can you totally not stand?
The 27th.
Is there anything you’d like to add before we continue?
Wings.
In 100 years, my generation will be remembered for…
all the wrong reasons.
What was the last text message you received?
The one informing me of my imminent death.
What’s the worst movie you’ve ever seen?
The War on Terror
If you were in a Band, what would you name it?
Proud Scum
What celebrity do people say you look like?
That guy… y’know… that guy?
Thongs are…
mischievous little creatures aren’t they?
What’s your earliest memory?
A good first question
How many days past expiration are you willing to drink milk?
120
What’s your favorite blog?
Mine
I knew I was an adult when…
I had to pay full fare
Quick! Write the first sentence of a novel.
the first sentence of a novel
Skirts, shorts, or skorts?
Shit shit shit
What’s the best picture you’ve ever taken?
Weeping Woman
Bikini, Tankini, or Linguini?
Luigi Galleani
David Bowie, David Hasselhoff, or David Spade?
Bring me their heads and I will tell you
I wish my ex would…
let me publish those photos
What’s your favorite color of Crayola crayon?
Pensive
What’s the worst show on television?
All of them
Men are…
generally indifferent to my fate
What expression do you really hate?
The one grrls give me when I ask them that question
IM or email?
The Fine Arts
Would you make out with the last person who wrote on your wall?
Dunno. S’pose
Paper, plastic, or re-usable?
It makes no difference when you’re dead
What will be your last words?
About that money I owe you
For my first wish, I wish…
I wish I wish
If I lived in the year 2100, my profession would be…
still unknown
What is your favorite word?
Bullshit
What’s your favorite type of cuisine?
Yummy yummy yummy I’ve got love in my tummy. Pizza
Who is the funniest person you know?
Deadly Ernest
My backpack/purse/wallet contains the following surprising things:
An ability to travel back in time, a preference for brunettes, and a small mammal of indeterminate gender named Barry
Fill in the blank: ________ + chocolate = heaven
Advertising
Boxers or briefs?
Both. I am wild and crazy, wacky and zany blah blah blah
I believe in…
the domitability of the human spirit
Pardon my…
friends; they really don’t know any better
God is…
not
My worst part time job was…
also my first and last
Have you ever fallen asleep while driving?
A tank. In the next war
I’m reminded of home whenever…
I leave it
When I call you, my custom ring tone should be…
like a ship without a rudder
What’s your favorite kind of cake frosting?
Pizza
Truth or Dare?
Stubborn belly fat
What’s your favorite charity?
Me
How many kids would you want to have?
About six billion or so. Needless to say, I feel very fulfilled
Do you typically bring da noise, da funk, or da jell-o salad?
da da
Have you ever been on TV?
Yes
The last time you cleaned your room, how many hours did it take?
I began cleaning shortly after I began unpacking almost three years ago
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Because love and amity are commodities like any other. And they look so good together!
Five star hotel or a tent in the woods?
An untidy bedroom in a cheap shared household (slum) in an unfashionable suburb
Why are there so many zombies on Facebook?
Because it’s just like THE REAL WORLD
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no…
fucking idea that, being a large mammal, he and his fuzzy wuzzy friends were doomed, just like 90% of other large mammal species (with one obvious exception)
Quick! Write the last sentence of your autobiography.
Now who’s laughing?
G-string, thong, boy shorts, bikini, or traditional?
Is the first time I’ve ever been asked such a question
What would your super hero name be?
Transforming a modern day essential into a gorgeous accessory. Buy online for total confidence. Man.
I always mispronounce…
and I never forgive
Save the cheerleader, save the…
cheerleader for me
What’s one magical thing that happened today?
I woke up
What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?
Gives them to me
What kind of pet would you like to have?
Bübi
What’s the weirdest topping you’ve ever had on a pizza?
A unicycle
I will not be reading this until you do the civilized thing and post it as a myspace bulletin.
Were you writing this instead of getting your boogie on?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Because love and amity are commodities like any other. And they look so good together!
Yeah, you’d like to see chicks together, wouldn’t you?!
Bron: I have seen a number of documentaries about chicks together, and found them to have been very enjoyable. So in answer to your question: yes.
Dr: No. My ‘boogie’ briefly emerged and was then quickly removed at the age of 16. I’m afraid I haven’t seen it since then, although I do receive an occasional postcard or scribbled note from who knows where (who knows where).
My boogie also appeared in the following video:
He said he would come out dancing, gentle readers! And then he piked!