1) Do you have the guts to answer these Qs?
No.
2) What would you do if meth was legalized?
Go out of business.
3) Abortion: for or against?
Upside-down.
4) Would our country fail with a woman president?
Fingers crossed.
5) Do you believe in the death penalty?
I think you’ll find it’s mandatory.
6) Are you for or against premarital sex?
Sure, although I sometimes like to have dinner first.
7) Do you think same-sex marriage should be legalized?
Honestly honey, as long as it’s followed by a fabulous reception, who cares?
8 ) Do you think it’s wrong that so many Hispanics are moving to the USA?
No: I’ve simply run out of room beneath my bed.
9) A 12 year old girl has a baby. Should she keep it?
Not if she can sell it for drugs.
10) Should the alcohol age be lowered to 18?
I’d say $1.50 is about right.
11) Assisted suicide is illegal. Do you agree?
Do I have a choice?
12) Do you believe in spanking your children?
No. Only yours. If they’re cute, female, and 18+.
13) Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Are the police corrupt?
14) A mother is declared innocent after murdering her five children in a temporary insanity case. Opinion?
Your arse does look fat in those jeans.
15) Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
Only this one.
16) Have you ever made out with someone you weren’t dating?
Made out I liked them, yes.
17) Is there a difference between the word ‘best friend’ and ‘friend’?
Is this question ‘stupid’ or ‘fucking stupid’?
18) If your ex came up to you and apologized for something they did wrong, what would you say?
Thank them and thrust their head back into the bucket of water.
19) Do you miss anyone?
Not if I aim properly.
20) What was the highlight of your week?
Something I always look forward to enjoying.
21) Who was the last person who looked at you and smiled?
Wishing they were alive to regret it.
22) Do you have any interesting tattoos/piercings?
Plenty. But only those I collect from others.
23) Are you afraid to grow up?
Explain.
24) Can you count past 100?
No, my mouth is generally too tired by that stage.
25) Any upcoming vacations?
The future is uncertain.
26) Do you care what people think of you?
Other people think?
27) Would you call yourself smart?
I prefer Andy.
28) Do you like to read?
Only between the lines.
29) Is anything wrong?
With your head? It certainly appears so.
30) Do you have a good relationship with your parent(s)?
They’re both unemployed, so we have a lot in common.
31) Name something you CANNOT wait for.
The past.
32) What’s your favourite season?
The last one.
33) Last thing you ate and drank?
The blood and guts of an Englishman.
34) Do you like peanut butter?
We’re not on speaking terms.
35) Who’s making you feel the way you are right now?
The demons in my head.
36) Most visited web page(s)?
Is most likely porn-related.
37) Who will you sleep with tomorrow?
The luckiest woman on the planet.
38) Looking forward to something this weekend?
I wish.
39) How many siblings do you have?
Less than 100, thankfully.
40) Do you have any pets?
Only those I haven’t eaten.
41) What’s your favourite number?
Monica Bellucci’s private line.
42) What are you watching right now?
My life disappearing.