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Man-About-Town Dr Cam Sexenheimer explores the marginal electorates…

18. How will a Stalinist, a Satanist and a KKK member vote?

Cam Smith writes:

There’s allegedly an election coming up. The regrettable consequence of this is that newspaper editors suddenly care about the opinions of people in wishy-washy electorates like McMillan and Eden-Monaro. If the names and occupations of those people start with the same letter as their electoral division, so much the better – Oh, Benny the Butcher from Bennelong is concerned about housing prices and rising inflation! How dreadfully clever. Born of a need to fill space and a sick fetish for alliteration, canvassing voters in marginal electorates is easy. What’s trickier is canvassing voters in the margins of society. To this end, Crikey went looking for a Satanist, a Stalinist and a National Socialist to see which way the truly marginal would be voting.

Malaphite X (not what her mum calls her) worships the Dark Lord Satan. As such, she told Crikey at around midnight last night, it follows that she would vote for John Howard.

Finding a Satanist is not as easy as you’d think. A call to the bookshop of Church of Satan priest Drew Sinton ended with a Satanic clerk snapping, “We don’t want any publicity!” and hanging up. Enquiries to the Temple of Set went unanswered, as did a Myspace message I sent to someone who claimed to be a member of the Temple of the Vampire. I don’t think a real Vampire would list Buffy amongst her favourite TV shows anyway. Or be on Myspace. Finally, a researcher investigating Pagan iconography within Christian architecture put me in touch with freelance Satanist Malaphite. “Most Satanists won’t be voting,” Malaphite said, “but those who are will be voting for whoever will increase military spending.” Why? “Um, because of the Apocalypse?”

Like, duh.

Where do Satanists stand on ratifying Kyoto? “We need to promote global warming, cut down all the trees, and nuke everything.” Workchoices? “Definitely. We are very much in favour of slave labour.”

How, I asked, do I know you’re being straight with me? After all, you worship the Prince of Lies. “Lying can be a lot of fun. All people should lie all the time.”

So how will Malaphite X really vote? “Everyone should vote with a gun. It’ll be more pleasure. It’ll be more blood. Go forth and rape, plunder, pillage. Destroy as much as possible.” Good heavens!

Finding a Stalinist also turned out to be easier said than done. Peter Symons (a Marxist) from the Communist Party of Australia told Crikey that it would be difficult to find anyone to admit to being a Stalinist, and at any rate, that person would probably be insane. The CPA are advocating voting for the Greens first and putting the Liberal Party last, as are a number of other socialist organisations, according to the Trot Guide for 2007. Peter Watson, the 15 year old founder and president of the Stalinist League of Australia, says that the SLA are advocating a vote for the SLA first, the Socialist Alliance second, and the International Nerd-Gothic conspiracy last. The International Nerd-Goths are controlled by his science teacher and are responsible for, amongst other things, killing Stalin and having Peter banned from the library at his school. The SLA has had limited success in student council elections and doesn’t appear to be running any candidates federally.

David Palmer, the Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, will be voting for John Howard, mainly because of the business practices of Therese Rein. He told Crikey: “She’s a con-woman. I wouldn’t be surprised if in the week before the election if the Commonwealth police don’t arrest her. I dislike Howard too, mainly because he took our guns off us, but as a compromise between the two I would trust Howard more than I would trust Rudd.”

No chance of a vote for the Greens? “It’s just a front for the Comms. The Comms had 3000 members, and they went somewhere. They’re watermelons.”

The Democrats? “They just go from one disaster to another. Politics is the art of the possible.”

Not even Pauline Hanson? “Pauline is never going to get anywhere; she’s really got no political ideas. She’s just an opportunist.”

Palmer says that the Klan remains a force within the Liberal Party. Although he thinks it would be easier to infiltrate Labor branches, considering their falling membership, the Liberals remain the Klan’s spiritual home. He claims the Klan had control of 70 Liberal branches at its peak, however this number has fallen in recent years to 11 – mostly in Queensland. How much truth there is in this claim is unclear. Palmer was a good friend of Liberal Party powerbroker Lyenko Urbancic, and some of his rivals on the far Right have accused him of being a member of the Liberal Party in the 1970s.

Hey, right-wing racist! On November 24, do you know who to vote for?

Leaving aside the crackpot followers of Lyndon LaRouche (as well as a few cranks within the major parties), other candidates in this year’s Federal Election on the (far) right include:

1) The Wicked Witch from Ipswich

Pauline Dancin’ Hanson is running for a Queensland Senate seat this year, yet another attempt to Unite Australia under her flatulent banner. She apparently has some chance of succeeding (although her running-mate, David Saville, has none), thanks in part to Family First (and for which thanks is ultimately due to a handful of hacks in the Victorian ALP), but most likely won’t be using the Upper House to moan about Muslims anytime soon. And to prove it’s not all about her status as the Mother of the Nation, Pauline’s Party is also standing two losing candidates in NSW: Brian Burston and John Carter. Of course, pitted against the ex-convict and her associates in the race for the racist vote is:

2) One Nation (WA)

As might be surmised from the name, One Nation WA is the West Australian-based rump of Pauline’s previous party, One Nation. It’s fielding dozens of losing candidates this election, including my old favourite, Sue Bateman: a former Stormfront regular, in an attempt to throw a spanner in ZOG’s works, Sue is standing for the seat of Fremantle. Sue will be battling for last place with a range of other, ah, ‘interesting’ personalities: Paul Ellison of the CEC; Andriette Du Pleiss of the (right-wing Christian fundamentalist) Family First; Sam Wainwright of perennial losers the Socialist Alliance, and Bill Heggers of the (right-wing Christian fundamentalist) Christian Democratic Party. Note that, in 2004, of eight candidates, SA came last, CEC 7th, the Democrats 6th, the CDP 5th and One Nation 4th.

While most of One Nation’s candidates are running in WA (fifteen in the House of Representatives), they also have candidates in NSW (nine), Queensland (seven), South Australia (three) and even a lone Senate candidate in Victoria, Llewellyn John Groves. I guess there just ain’t enough country in Victoria. Unlike, say, NSW:

One Nation targets rural vote
ABC
October 28, 2007

One Nation is targeting rural and regional areas in the launch of its New South Wales election campaign in Tamworth. The NSW president of One Nation, Jim Cassidy, says nine candidates are standing for the lower house and three for the Senate. He says the party is expecting a positive response from rural voters. “Because they’ve had no infrastructure put into their area at all, over the last 25 years,” he said. “They’ve had no forward planning, there’s been no water reconstruction, no roads, no rail, no anything.”

Note that this is the same Jim Cassidy who was once at pains to distance himself and his party from “white supremacists”: “Since February [2006], Dr Saleam has been asked not to attend meetings of the NSW branch of One Nation. Jim Cassidy, One Nation state president, said this was because of Dr Saleam’s past connections to “white supremacist” organisations. “We’re not interested in going down that road and never have been,” he said”, the bullshit artist. For just a few months later, The Two Jims were happily reunited, sharing a platform together at the 2006 Sydney Forum. And again, in 2007.

And speaking of rural racists:

3) Graeme Campbell

is part of a Senate ticket in WA, one also starring John Fisher, Russell Graham, and Geoff Gibson.

Despite being much-revered among local white racists, Graeme’s career since getting the arse from Parliament in 1998 hasn’t been too flash. Unfortunately for him, Campbell, from the old school of Labor, established his own ‘White Nationalist’ party, the Australia First Party, in 1996 — just as the red-haired fish ‘n’ chip shop owner’s meteor was rising, on a wave of media-fuelled popular hysteria, over an imminent outbreak of Yellow Fever. And while corporate media continues to entertain the Dancin’ Hanson, Graeme has been left feeling a bit flat-footed. Thus the Party he started soon came under the control of (another) convicted criminal, this time Dr James Saleam. Most recently, the Party has split into three. From Campbell’s abandonment of the mewling infant to now, the titular head of the Party, Diane Teasdale, is standing in the electorate of Murray. Saleam, in the meantime, in addition to putting the finishing touches on his appeal, is preparing to contest the NSW council elections.

Finally, an honourable mention to Joe Bryant, an old mate of Saleam’s, and one of the losing candidates in Werriwa.